Trump Visited By Ghosts Of Insurrection Day Past, Present, And Future

Mar-a-Lago, FL- In something that sounds like it came out of a movie, former President Donald Trump has announced that he was visited in his sleep by 3 separate beings claiming to be ghosts. One, he claimed, showed him past events from his life, another showed him his life now, and the other showed him dark events in the future.

“I’m tall, okay,” Trump began in an impromptu press conference, “But this ghost of the Present Insurrection Day was giant, I’m talking bigger than big here, huge.” Skeptical reporters looked around at one another wondering if Trump had finally lost it. “He took me, it felt like I was in a dream maybe, he took me to see Ron DeSantis, I didn’t talk to Ronnie D because I guess I was a ghost too, but we watched him play with his kids and he looked happy and it made me feel like I should be nice to him now. I don’t know, we’ll see.”

“But that wasn’t even the beginning,” Trump explained, “Before that there was a woman, pretty, a very beautiful woman, and she was the ghost of Insurrection Day Past. She took me to past Insurrection Days and showed me how unhappy I was and how I have always been more concerned with power and money than I was with the safety of those in the Capitol specifically that day.” Reporters questioned if this was Trump’s way of admitting fault in the events of January 6th. “I won’t go that far, no, but maybe,” Trump replied.

“These ghosts were mostly friendly, definitely the friendliest ghosts I’ve been around,” Trump said, “But the third ghost, not so much.” Whispers continued to echo amongst the reporters. “Scary guy, grim reaper-ish look, no face, long robe.” Giggles began to circulate through the room as Trump continued his paranormal explanation. “He showed me Insurrection Days yet to come, and that shook me up a little,” he said with a concerned look, “Disturbing stuff.” Trump paused to gather himself before continuing, “He took me to Insurrection Day 2040, folks. Dark day. The President was making a speech at a memorial at the Capital and the President was none other than gun activist David Hogg. Disgusting.” 

He then abruptly concluded his bizarre explanation in true Trump fashion, campaigning for 2024 stating, “This is surely a higher power showing me and all of you that you need me back, Sleepy Joe and Crazy Kamala are ruining this country. The fact that it could be possible for the country to be run by a gun activist someday should scare you, scare you more than the scariest thing you could imagine being scared of.”

As Trump closed out the strange press conference, he had the Insurrection Day Buffalo Guy hand out treats and MAGA hats to reporters as they left the room.

Keep it here with TOA for all your Insurrection Day updates.