Washington, DC- After being absent from her job for a few days last week, Press Secretary has returned to dodging questions about our dementia-ridden leader, however, there’s something different about her look.
Reporters shockingly received a rare instance of honest answers from the press secretary yesterday– “Yeah, I honestly thought I had lice or some form of scalp infection, but it just turns out that the doctors found a small group of gnomes nested deep within my hair,” Jean-Pierre explained. She said she would hear things at night but she just assumed it was her girlfriend having lesbian-filled fantasy dreams.
“As the doctor dug deep into the layers and layers of hair on my head for close to an hour, he finally reached my scalp and dug out Ronny, Donny, Johnny, and Biff,” these being the names given to her gnomes. She explained that the four gnomes told her they had been lost in her hair since she was a teenager, being a rare side-effect of adolescence.
Jean-Pierre told reporters that the gnomes had become so used to living her hair that they preferred to stay in there so long as they could periodically come up for air every so often.
Reports have also been made that they came out to meet President Biden and he was so scared that he has locked himself in the Oval Office and has been hiding under his desk for 3 and a half days.
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