Nancy Pelosi Starts New Job As Wal-Mart Greeter

San Francisco, CA- After losing her job as the House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi has decided to take a new career path. Hoping to put politics in the past, Pelosi has decided to take on a new job as a greeter at a San Francisco Wal-Mart. 

After the House Majority switched to the Republicans in the November midterm elections, the ex-speaker decided it was time to hang up her hat and hand over her gavel. “It’s time to let the younger generation take over,” Pelosi slurred. After representing California’s 12th District since Taft was in office, the 137-year-old Pelosi decided it was time to retire. “I have a wonderful job waiting for me back home,” she said at a press conference after the midterms, “I make so much money on insider tr–...ahem…I’m sorry, my husband makes enough money to support us so I just need something to keep me busy.” 

Our TOA staff was able to catch up with Ms. Pelosi’s new boss, Herb Smitherton, the General Manager of Walmart on Davis Street. “She’s a little bit of a handful,” Smitherton nervously admitted, “She tends to yell at the customers a lot, and instead of checking receipts she will go through their groceries, look for any alcohol, and then drink it on the spot. I’ve tried to repeatedly tell her to stop but she always gnashes her teeth at me and calls me a peasant.” 

One employee actually said that Pelosi chugged two beers and a bottle of wine after taking them from a customer’s basket, started yodeling, and then kicked over a Salvation Army donation kettle before shouting, “Christmas is canceled!” into a cashiers microphone.

“We aren’t allowed to fire her, she’s the ex-Speaker of the House and a distant relative to the Governor,” Smitherton explained. “Sometimes she gets drunk and comes into the break room just to tell everyone how pathetic we are. She had one of our stockers fashion a podium out of cardboard and put it at the head of the breakroom just so she can give us speeches.”

Smitherton also said that the store is not only losing countless amounts of money on alcohol, he also explained that Pelosi will get drunk, break open all of the beauty supplies, and cover her face with layers of makeup. 

Keep it here with The Offended American for updates on Speaker Pelosi’s status at the Davis Street Walmart.