Islamic Republican Sports “MAGA Burka” At Polls; Accused Of Terrorism

Dearborn, MI- Breaking Election Day news out of Dearborn, a stronghold for Islamic Fundamentalists, a woman described as wearing a ‘Make America Great Again’ burka was violently beaten and thrown to the ground by an unarmed liberal and taken into custody by Dearborn police under the pretense of potential terrorism.

Agent Donald Merkum, a local Department of Homeland Security official, said in a press conference that the woman is in custody and no one, other than the suspect, was physically harmed. “We have some therapists visiting with people who saw the man’s burka as he entered the polling booth to vote, there was a lot of trauma to those who witnessed this horrific act” Merkum explained, “Luckily a brave citizen then tackled the woman to the ground before she could vote.” 

When asked if the woman had any weapons or explosive devices Merkum explained that, “In these unprecedented times, it doesn’t take bombs and weapons to terrorize the citizens of this great nation, it takes four words that will cut you down to the bone. If that citizen did not take the brave and immediate action that he did, we could’ve had an Islamic Republican vote in Dearborn today.”

The Dearborn hazmat squad has been searching the woman's car for any other MAGA paraphernalia. Live video feed has shown the military grade, bomb-defusing robot known as a ‘Centaur’ grabbing what appears to be a Donald Trump-scented mirror charm with his picture on it. The hazmat squad has now cleared a 10-mile radius around the polling location. We will keep you updated as this situation unfolds.