Environmentalists Protest CVS Over Excessive Receipt Lengths

Portland, OR- Just as Portland was returning to normal after the riots of 2020 almost destroyed the entire city, a new revolution is gripping this liberal haven. After stopping in for some organic muffins and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream, Annie Lenton was enraged as the cashier handed her her receipt at a local Portland CVS. Video footage shows Lenton screaming at the innocent cashier, then biting into one of her organic muffins just before she expectorated said muffin into the face of the cashier. After more graphic language was used toward the unsuspecting employee, Lenton then waded up her receipt and threw it at the cashier’s chest. Lenton has been praised on social media by Hollywood elites for her conservation efforts and has protested outside each CVS in Portland for the past week.

The Offended American reluctantly reached out to Lenton to try to understand the details of her rant and what her platform will be moving forward with the support from elites like Joy Behar and 13 Going On 30 stud, Mark Ruffalo. Lenton said she

did not want to speak directly to a “conservative publication” like TOA, but responded with an email instead. The email read:

“I am appalled that a chain like CVS would print these receipts that are like 3 feet long. Do you know how many trees in the rainforest died for that receipt paper? Mark Ruffalo told me it was at least 50. 50 beautiful oxygen-generating trees killed just for me to be able to see how much my organic muffins were. It is sickening. I will protest at every CVS across the country if I have to. Greta Thunberg is joining me and my followers next week at the CVS Headquarters in Rhode Island. We don’t plan to be peaceful either. Greta is like super mad about this too. She was like, ‘paper is bad, and I’m mad,’ it was super heart-warming and like deep. When Greta speaks, people listen. Our plan is to buy a bunch of stuff, like thousands of dollars worth of stuff from CVS and get a lot of receipts and just burn them in the parking lot at CVS Headquarters. That will show those greedy executives. We will fight the good fight until the entire world is paperless.”

We tried to follow up with 13 Going on 30 stud, Mark Ruffalo, to get an in-depth take from him on this movement, but have yet to receive any communication back from him. If you would like to see coverage of the apparently violent protests at CVS Headquarters next week, we will air it on our website- offendedamerican.com. For now, do your part and go buy a bunch of stuff at CVS and tell them the staff at TOA sent you.