As Christmas Comes To A Close, Stores Selling out of January 6th Decor

Spokane, WA- As we close the book on 2022, we look back at the good times and the bad, the happy and the sad. Many of us take time to enjoy the remaining holidays with friends and family before heading back to work in the new year. Then some people will get straight back to work right after Christmas and not even pay attention to the new year. However, the most faithful leftists in this country have moved straight from Christmas to their true holiday that gives their lives hope and meaning– a day that brought them joy through pain. A day that will be etched into their bleeding hearts forever. That day is Insurrection Day.

January 6th is a day that Janine Corolla has had inked on her calendar for a full year. “Oh, we begin decorating early!” she gleefully explained, “We begin lighting candles and exchanging small gifts with one another, typically around December 20th.” Corolla said that she and her lesbian “sisters” stand outside of department stores that give them permission to ring bells for their “Adopt-An-Immigrant” program. “We pick some Mexican immigrants that want to cross the border and we let people draw names out of a bucket next to us as we ring bells; whatever name you pick is the immigrant you sponsor to relocate to the United States.It’s just something to get us into the Insurrection Day spirit.

Here in Spokane, Janine isn’t the only liberal that is excited for the nation’s newest holiday. Insurrection-Day decor has been flying off the shelves since Christmas decor was taken down. “We can’t keep our Insurrection-Day decor stocked!” said Don Sever, local Walmart manager. “The day we put it (I.D. decor) out we had people camping outside waiting for us to open!” Sever described the events of that day as something comparable to Black Friday. “Oh yeah, we had fights breaking out and people being trampled throughout the aisles, it was brutal.”

Spokane is even having a “Lectern Lighting Ceremony” on January 6th to commemorate the theft of Nancy Pelosi’s lectern on that fateful day in 2021. “Last year we began a new ceremony in which we will construct a 45-foot tall replica of the lectern and decorate it with lights and banners while we all sing Barabra Streisand’s greatest hits,” explained Spokane City Councilwoman Martha Downing, “It is a true spectacle and celebration of a terrible act that has now brought joy and happiness all across the world.”

For more info on Insurrection Day events in your city, visit offendedamerican.com/yourlifesucks.com.