Chicago, Ill- Livid social justice warriors were lined up in front of the Consulate General of The People’s Republic of China in Chicago this afternoon protesting the communist country’s lack of inclusivity on their sports teams.
Hundreds of overweight lesbians wore red shirts with swimmer Lia Thomas’s face over the Chinese flag shouting at the unresponsive building in downtown Chicago. “There’s not a single African-American on their basketball team!” shouted a sweaty protester, “There’s not even a man on any of their women’s teams!!” she added as spit flew from her lips.
When asked what brought all of this on, one of the portly protesters said it’s “Something the world can longer ignore!” While another extremely upset protester added that “They have never even allowed a woman to run for President in their country,” and when our reporters added that communist China does not allow elections, she screamed into a bullhorn until they left.
As we made our way through the crowd, questioning random overweight lesbians, many of their responses were very incoherent. “Everyone on their sports teams looks the same!” shouted one of them, and when our reporters said that was a racist remark the lesbian said that our reporters were racist for supporting the Chinese government.
The final social justice warrior that we interviewed said it was her goal to be the first-ever American-born Chinese trans lesbian on their winter Olympics curling team. It was at that point that our reporters knew they were in a world they would never understand so they backed up their bags and went to the nearest bar to forget the traumatic scene they had just witnessed.
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