After Seeing His Shadow, Phil Gives Speech On Dangers Of Global Warming

Punxsutawney, PA- Another year begins and another year we’re stuck with 6 more weeks of winter. Those present at Gobbler’s Knob this morning cheered for Phil as he saw his furry little shadow. With a 40% predictability rate, Phil is more accurate than most weather forecasters.

Phil has been predicting the upcoming weather since 1887, but today it took an unprecedented turn. As Phil’s fans cheered and shouted his name the groundhog reached for a microphone from an onlooking reporter. With a look of confusion, Phil’s handler grabbed the mic and placed it in the creature's furry little paws.

To everyone's shock and disbelief, Phil cleared his throat and began speaking, “Thank you for joining me again this year in Gobbler’s Knob,” Phil spoke with a surprisingly slight English accent, “It is an exciting event every year and I always look forward to it.” The crowd still stood stunned in astonishment as Phil continued, “But it is all fun and games until the polar ice caps melt.” Sparse claps echoed through the motionless crowd, fixated on the little groundhog.

“I’ve tried to keep silent on this but I no longer can,” he continued, “Carbon emissions and fossil fuels are a driving force behind me seeing my shadow today, folks, a driving force behind the coming end of the world if we don’t get our shit together.” Phil ducked questions being shouted at him from reporters but didn’t back down, “I have partnered up with Tesla and will host Greta Thunberg and Al Gore for dinner outside my burrow next month to discuss what to do moving forward.”

He even endorsed politicians before handing the mic back over to the reporter. “I am backing Bernie Sanders for the 2024 Presidential race if he isn’t dead before then, and any other Green Party candidate that puts their name in the hat in the world of politics.”

Throughout the day Phil has been trashed by the republicans for “politicizing a historical event that doesn’t need to be politicized.” 2024 candidate Donald Trump chimed in as well saying, “F*ck that gopher.”

What are your thoughts on this political little groundhog talking shit about global warming? Let us know in the comments!