New York, New York- It’s been a whirlwind month for New York governor Kathy Hochul. The first-term governor has been bombarded with notifications of what appliances, vehicles, and AI products are likely to exterminate the human race.
“It’s become slightly overwhelming,” Hochul told our staff this week, “I had no idea there were so many daily tasks and products that were so deadly.” The governor went on to explain that she had lengthy meetings and phone calls with the ‘Deadly Appliance Task Force,’ headed by wunderkind Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. “AOC is beyond her time,” the governor gushed, “She thinks of things as if she is living in 2050.”
After deciding out of nowhere that gas stoves were deadly and that we needed a national ban on them, AOC decided to scorched-earth, leaving no appliance or vehicle off her list. “She told me that 38 million Americans die every day in car accidents,” Hochul explained, “That’s more than the entire Holocaust!” After our doubtful reporters told her that was not likely and not even remotely true, she explained that no matter the number “American’s, and New Yorkers in particular, should get off the roads.”
“It may seem drastic but we are not going to take any chances,” the governor warned, “As soon as we go door-to-door to collect everyone's stoves, we are then going to eliminate the manufacturing, delivery, and purchase of any vehicles in the state of New York, then after that we will go door-to-door again to repossess any pre-existing vehicles.” When asked how citizens would get around she simply stated that bicycles are safe without the presence of cars and they are better for the environment as well.
What do you think about the New York governor's ban on all vehicles? Keep it here with The Offended American for updates on what Democrats will ban next!
Comments