After Outlawing Stoves, Joe Biden Makes YouTube Video Explaining How To Cook Over A Campfire

Outside Washington D.C.- President Joe Biden is a man of his word. Just weeks after threatening to ban stoves in every U.S. household, the President has done just that. The government has confiscated all gas-powered stoves and the Biden administration wants you to know what to do now.

In a bold move, members of the President’s staff took him out to the middle of nowhere in Maryland and left him with an iPhone, a tent, and some tools to make a fire. “We wanted him to show the American people that he’s one of them!” Staffer Kiersten Morris said. “He’s so old that this is the way he grew up. No electrical appliances, just campfires on the open prairie!” 

In the 22-minute-long video, the President mumbles and fumbles over his speech as usual but manages to spark a fire at about the 17-minute mark. “This–this is the–this is the future,” he mutters as he stares blankly into the fire, “The future of the frontier.” He then stares blankly at the camera as if he is reading cue cards and recites part of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address mixed with “Baby Got Back,” a rap song made famous in 1992 by Sir Mix-A-Lot. He then attempts to incoherently explain why gas-powered stoves were outlawed but to no avail.

The video was pieced together and then posted over 4 days ago and his staff says that Biden is still wandering the open range in Southern Maryland. They put a GPS collar on him and know his location, but have not made any attempts to return him to Washington. We’ll keep you informed on the President’s whereabouts but until then, go start your campfires, folks and stay with The Offended American, where Today’s jokes are tomorrow’s news.