News Program Only Takes 2 Years To Admit They Were Lying For The Last 2 years

New York, New York- Quite possibly the most boring and uninformative news show on television, Morning Joe with Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski have finally admitted they’ve been lying for the last 2 years. The happily married couple took to the airwaves on Monday to admit they’ve been lying about almost everything they’ve talked about for the last 2 years.

“We want to start by apologizing to all 7 fans who watch our show each day,” Scarborough began, “We know you trust us, love us, and want to be us, and I’m sorry we’ve lied to you for the last 2 years.” The hosts interlocked fingers and shared a smile with one-another. “When the pandemic began we were doing this remotely at home,” Brzezinski explained, “And we were getting so shithoused drunk before, after, and sometimes during every show, that we didn’t know what was true and what was a lie.” 

The unbearable couple continuously shared glances into each other's eyes, reminding their 7 viewers that they're trying their hardest to act like they love each other. “We have endured so much over these last few years,” Scarborough whined, “We have hard times that normal people like you would never understand. When we had the freedom to truly be ourselves under the influence of drugs and alcohol each day, we never wanted to be honest again.”

Scarborough then admitted that the entire MSNBC staff would have all-night parties, typically hosted by the always handsome Rachel Maddow, even after the pandemic was over. “We would pull all-nighters on Maddow’s set and come onto our set at 6AM blown out of our minds,” Scarborough explained, “We had no notes, no prep for the show, not even a clue what was going on in the world,”-- “So we’d just wing it,” Brzezinski laughingly interjected.

The two shared more laughter before admitting that they were both indeed drunk at this very moment. “We are still a little drunk even now, but we know that all 7 of you love us so much that you can find it in your hearts to forgive us for lying for the last 2 years. “Moving forward, MSNBC said that we are only allowed to lie about Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis, and any conservative policies that are discussed on our show, thank you all,” Scarborough ended.

Keep it here with The Offended American, where we stay sober, but not honest.